When I was diagnosed with cancer in 2008, one of the first questions I had was “WHY did I get this?”

As my husband and I learned more about alternative approaches to healing from cancer, we began to hypothesize its cause. There was the obvious- yes, it ran in my family, but genes weren’t an absolute in a cancer diagnosis. It was very clear after studying the anti-cancer diet, that the food I had put in my body my whole life was a major factor in my developing cancer. But what I had been feeding my MIND was equally suspicious.

This last post in our Green Drink Commitments series will get you thinking about HOW YOU THINK and WHAT YOU BELIEVE. Are your thought patterns helpful or hurtful in achieving your goals?

A Battlefield of the Mind

I get what it’s like to have your life controlled by negative thought patterns, worry, guilt, anxiety, and at one point depression. Three years before my cancer was discovered I had already recovered from another kind of “cancer” of sorts.

Shortly after I met my husband, I heavily battled what the doctors called “general anxiety disorder”, or “GAD.” On a daily basis for 14 months I dealt with obsessive worry about the direction of my life. I assumed it was just my “quarter-life crisis”, because at 23, “crisis” seemed to define how I felt perfectly!

At first it began with obsessive thinking- worrying about anything and everything. This led to my extreme loss of appetite and lying awake at night, unable to sleep for days at a time.

Eventually I had my first panic attack- at first about rational concerns. As time went by though, I began obsessing over irrational thoughts. These burdened me and drained me to a state of absolute exhaustion. My face broke out and lost it’s color- probably from the lack of sleep and nutrition, which also caused me to lose too much weight. I withdrew from my friends, not wanting to burden them with my problems. I was extremely irritable and often found fault in anyone and everyone around me. Even music was difficult to listen to, as I would analyze and over-think the lyrics or message of the song.

Anxiety CONSUMED me and left very little room for healthy thinking and life as I knew it.

Do Your Thought Patterns Allow You to Thrive?

Stress, anxiety and depression have an obvious physical effect on your body. You can feel it- the tightness in your neck, chest, and shoulders, tension in your forehead, clenching of your jaw, and shallowness or forgetfulness of breath are all signs of emotional stress. The mind-body connection is amazing and REAL!

As an anxious mind convinces the body that it is in danger, adrenaline is released because of our “fight or flight” response, allowing us to react immediately to a dangerous situation- very handy back when our ancestors were in more present-danger than we are today. A hormone called cortisol is then released, most known for its ability to inhibit your ability to relax.

When stress and anxiety aren’t dealt with proactively, your body will manifest it in another way.  I can’t help but assume that my year-long battle with anxiety and depression contributed to my cancer diagnosis.

A VIBRANT Mind 

Although at the time I did not think I would ever make it out of my PIT of anxiety, worry, and depression, I DID. Once I began to get a grasp on what CAUSED my anxiety and depression, I was able to heal.

Religion or Relationship?

I have never been one to be preachy, but if I’m going to be an honest messenger, I have to report my experiences. The most important lesson I learned learned throughout my anxiety is that it is very difficult to separate emotional health from spiritual connection. 

Before my “anxiety disorder” flared up, my faith in God settled somewhere between agnostic and atheist, often swinging back-and-forth based on who was influencing me at the time. I labeled myself a “spiritual” person who more than anything didn’t want to be wrong and certainly didn’t want to be involved with organized religion. So I lived life with very little thought of who God was or if he even existed.

This neutral belief worked especially well throughout high school, college, and my early-twenties when I didn’t want to follow any “rules,” receiving my moral guidance primarily through Cosmopolitan magazine and the latest episode of “The Real World” and “Sex and the City.” Up until the anxiety, I had been perfectly fine on my own.

But it was God in Jesus who settled my anxious spirit in the worst of times.

How I got to that point is a long story full of amazing events that I will tell another time, but for now I will tell you that God met me where I was.

Before we were even dating, my husband was actually the one to suggest- knowing my state of anxiety and despair, that I watch an online sermon from his church in Atlanta. He promised me that it wasn’t scary or weird, so skeptically (of course) I watched. It was listening that day that I heard a concept that resonated in me for the first time:

Religion is people reaching out to God. Jesus is God reaching out to us.

Religion was what freaked me out. Relationship with God was a new concept never mentioned to me.

It’s not about going to church, trying to be good, even owning a Bible. God wants US to be His and to follow Him in every aspect of our life- to devote ourselves to him in daily worship. Jesus is not just about Sundays and completing classes at church. He gave us Himself so that we could know God.

The TRUTH about Stress and Anxiety

After seeking out a relationship with God, the second most important thing I did during this time was LEARNING TO CHANGE MY THINKING.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

1. RE-LEARN TO RELAX: Stress leading to anxiety is a thought followed by a physical reaction. Just like with cancer, stress and anxiety DO NOT have power over you. It doesn’t define who you are.

Even before you learn to manage your stress, you must learn to identify where you store your stress and to relax those areas. Practice inhaling air into those points. Mine happens to be in my left shoulder and neck. Find yours. Take a deep breath expanding your belly while imagining the air going into your stress area for 3 seconds. Exhale for 8-10 seconds. Do this as often as needed. You should find that it’s difficult to feel stress and anxiety when you’re releasing air and tension along with it. It is also difficult to think anxious thoughts while you do this exercise.

Another exercise I learned was to lay down, practicing the above breathing pattern while tensing up your muscles for 5 seconds each and releasing for 8-10 second, starting with my toes and moving up to my face muscles. This exercise was what finally allowed me to sleep through the night. I would also loop the affirmation: “my body will fall asleep when it’s ready” until I believed it!

2. KNOW WHAT ANXIETY IS AND ISN’T: Anxiety is caused by YOU!

Your Self-Talk communicates your perception of external events and internal thoughts. This leads to either feelings of stress or empowerment and confidence.

Learning about Self-Talk and negative and positive thoughts was a clincher for me. I filled up multiple notebooks with thoughts that created negative emotions in me, countering them with a soothing, gentle, true thought. This concept was truly the turning point for me, as I realized how I was talking to myself internally! Any thought that causes you to feel sad, guilty, mad, anxious, jealous, angry, or unworthy is in need of a makeover.

Whenever a thought makes you feel a negative reaction, it MUST be intentionally re-framed in a positive way. For instance, sometimes when I get up in the morning I think this subconsciously, but I feel the negative stress reaction.

Negative Thought:

“Ugh- I hate going to work this morning. I’m way too tired and don’t have enough time for ANYTHING. Life would be so much happier and easier if I could be a stay-at-home mom.”

Re-Stated Positively:

“This day is full of opportunity. I will enjoy my hot shower and green tea. I will spend my time with God in my devotional time and then I will mold and guide my students in a way that no one else could. I am thankful for a job to help support my family right now. I am blessed.”

All of this happens in a time period of about 10 seconds, but IT WORKS! You can FEEL the reversal of the stress reaction!

3. RE-FRAME YOUR EXPECTATIONS: Pay attention to the Expectations you have for yourself! We don’t even realize how unrealistic we can be sometimes with our beliefs of how perfect we should be! Learning to relax and forgive yourself can be done through the positive self-talk I spoke of above. Look out for your “Shoulds” (I should be married…I should be thinner…I should be a better mother…I should eat better) that lead to a negative stress reaction. I became proactive in my “Shoulds” by releasing the ones that were unnecessary, re-framing my negative thought, and then setting goals for the ones I really wanted to achieve.

Often in my job of teaching, I find myself comparing my work to other teachers’ lessons or bulletin boards. Yes, I admit it! Teachers can be competitive sometimes. When I do this, I am no longer trying to meet my expectations, but IMAGINARY ones! When I feel this way, I always search deeper. Why is it that I teach? It is not to impress other teachers, parents, or my principal. I teach because I feel I have a gift to offer my students and I do so on a daily basis. “I am doing the best I can with the time I have.”

4. BE ASSERTIVE: This was and is my current challenge when dealing with stress. I have a tendency to be “too nice” and get walked on at times. I have to remind myself that I am just as powerful and worthy as the person next to me and I can assert myself. If your order at a restaurant comes out incorrect, kindly tell them it’s wrong and tell them what you would like. Not saying anything creates a “victim mentality” and can lead to feeling powerless and angry. Complaining to other people doesn’t get anything solved and just breeds negativity. Ask for what you want without getting angry. Stand firm and state clearly what it is you would like to happen. “Hi, I ordered a salad without the dressing and this one has it on the salad. Can you bring me a new one?”or “My veggie burger came out a bit too cold. Can you warm it up for me?”

I’ve also learned not to come to anyone with a problem unless you have an idea for a solution. This creates assertiveness in you as well and leads to a boost in self-esteem when your idea is accepted by others.

I learned most of these skills from the “Attacking Anxiety and Depression” course from The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, which I HIGHLY recommend.

My Spiritual and Emotional Commitments for 2012:

1. I commit to relax my guilt when I fall short of my expectations. Oh, the things I feel guilty about could include 100 things each day! I have to breathe through these thoughts and let them pass. Replacing them with kind and gentle thoughts relaxes my body and allows me to forgive.

2. I commit to praying for confidence and boldness. Sometimes I am afraid to pray for general qualities like these. Partly because I know God will answer this prayer and it might be in a way I would never have thought of! He ALWAYS knows best! These two words will be in my prayer life each and every day. I will seize opportunities that take me out of my comfort zone.

I hope you enjoyed this series! Remember to share your commitments and check back up with us in February for our Commitment Roll-Call! IT is never too late to make at least ONE commitment for 2012!