I don’t know about any of you, but I just don’t seem to have enough time for the PEOPLE I Love.
That means friends and potential friendships get put on the back burner- upstaged by work, children, and maintaining a holistic, cancer-fighting lifestyle. I have struggled with forming close friendships since graduating from the convenience of college fellowship when I lived with my closest friends.
This year is different though.
As far as sustaining friendships, should I invest the small amount of free time I have into only a few people and go deeper? OR, should I have more surface-level friendships with a bunch of people? Is it true that I am too busy for friendships that aren’t convenient? Like my friends that live across town- they are hard to get to with our beastly Atlanta traffic. I already feel too spread-thin with my husband, daughter, and family. And what about my friends in a different life-stage than me? Does it bother them that my daughter has to come along in whatever we do?
A side note.
And what about thank-you notes? I have been sweating these babies since I graduated from high school and had my mom breathing down my neck about making sure I write everyone a thank-you (which of course she should have!) I think being THANKFUL is so incredibly important, but is there really a designated format of expressing your gratitude?
Nothing so small has stressed me out as badly as the THANK-YOU NOTE. Until I have written one to everyone who has graciously given something to me or my family, I drown in the guilt of not having thanked them with a note yet. But NOT THIS YEAR. I will delete the mental image of my friends and family scowling at their empty mailbox as days go by without a thank-you note from me. I will call…or maybe even email. but I will not feel guilty anymore!
This relational commitment is tough for me, so I’m going to take it easy on myself and try not to over-process this. I think I will take a deep breath on this one and take it one moment, one phone call, one thank-you note at a time.
My Relational Commitment for 2012:
1. I will attempt to from closer friendships with 2 or 3 friends this year. I want to do ONE activity with a friend each week. Maybe more? But at least one.
2. I will CALL 1-2 friends each week to invest in them and let them know I value them.
3. I will forgive myself for not writing a thank-you note. I will reasonably try to write a paper thank you-note, but I refuse to follow “thank-you note protocol” (sorry Emily Post) and if too overwhelmed at that moment, I will enthusiastically call or email instead.
Ideas for Investing in Someone Else:
1. Ask someone you’ve never hung out with outside of work to meet up for a run, for a class you’ve been wanting to take, or for something else fun.
2. Commit to reading a book with a friend and have “book club” meetings in person or over the phone.
3. Join a softball, kickball, or other athletics league such as Alta Tennis.
4. Learn how to communicate better and meet people at your local ToastMasters.
5. Join a small group bible study at your church.
6. Find a Meet-Up group.
7. Use your Facebook account to actually meet up with someone. Message a friend and plan a get-together.
8. Introduce yourself to your neighbors. We have met almost all of our neighbors in our apartments by simply saying. “Hey! I haven’t had a chance to say hi. I’m Cortney…”
9. Start your own WordPress blog and reach out to others.
10. Volunteer at your local homeless or women’s shelter. Volunteer to tutor at-risk kids. If in the Atlanta area, my favorites are the LaAmistad program and Atlanta Union Mission.
11. Instead of telling a hurting friend, “Let me know if I can do anything” JUST DO SOMETHING! Bring them a $10 gift card to a food place nearby, bring them dinner, bring music and some hot tea to make them feel better. Bring HOPE because I guarantee you THEY WILL NOT CALL YOU WHEN THEY NEED SOMETHING! (:
12. Pick up your phone when a friend calls. I am guilty of sending friends to voicemail because I am in the middle of 4 different things and often forget to call them back. Picking the phone up to simply say, “Hey! Things are nuts here right now. I’ll call you back and if I don’t, call me back and yell at me!” I’ll wait for someone to test me on this one. (:
13. Call your grandparents! My dad’s mother is my only living grandparent. I need to call her much more than I do!
Share your ideas and Relational Commitments in our Comments section below!
Hi Amy!
Sounds like we could be good friends. We could send each other gifts and NOT send thank you notes! (: Totally agree!
Regarding thank you notes – I hate them!!!
I don’t like feeling obligated to send a thank you note and I don’t like all the extra time, money, energy and paper that goes into them. I don’t like receiving thank you cards for the same reason.
If you want to thank me – I would prefer a phone call or email or even a hug in person from someone who wanted to thank me. But mailing me a card in an envelope with a stamp seems like a waste of paper, a waste of time, and a waste of money. And I don’t give gifts for the thanks so I’m not holding my breath til I get one. If someone forgets or if they don’t even like the gift – it’s fine. We all have lives to live.
🙂